rumble in the jungle

Cooties

2008-02-15T14:39:00.002+02:00

Kids are the same, regardless of where they grow up, where they live. I was walking to work today and there were two primary school aged boys walking in front of me. Suddenly, they started walking faster, kept glancing behind them, and almost broke out into a run. At first, I thought they were running away from me! I know mzungus can be scary (heck, I even made a baby cry once), but we're not all that bad. So I turned around behind me, and I see three primary school aged girls, shouting at the boys, running towards them. Those boys looked at each other, said "let's go" and broke out into the fastest run I've ever seen. Regardless of how the boys may feel about girls in the future, at present, they still think girls have cooties.

african gym class

2008-02-05T09:17:00.000+02:00

there is a government run primary school in town right next to the grocery store. every morning when i'm driving by, i'll see little boys hacking away at the seemingly endless weeds and grass that grow on the compound with a machete. and i'll see little girls ho-ing it away, planting maize seeds and other vegetables. when i walk by at lunch time, i'll see a different set of kids working it in the field, sweltering in the sun. and when i drive by after work, yet another group of kids, hacking and ho-ing as fast as their little arms will let them. it's almost as if there is a certain quota of grass/land the kids must chop/till, and if they don't fill it, they can't go home. this is taking child labour to the extreme. this must be the african version of gym class.

2008-01-29T11:00:00.000+02:00

This past weekend, I was walking in town on the road that mini buses drive up to get to the highway. The buses were driving really slowly, which is actually a good thing, all things considered. There was one mini bus driving up the road, and I was walking down in front of it. The conductor was leaning out the window, grasping the door frame (the doors are the sliding type). Then, in seconds, the front portion of the door comes off the hinge and the conductor goes flying out onto the ground. Then the back hinge comes undone and the whole sliding door falls off onto the conductor! Good thing the window was open because that landed right over his head. So the conductor was pinned to the ground, with his head poking out the window. I just stood there in shock. Giggling. Then all these men came, lifted up the door, carried the conductor onto the mini bus. Then, the men just stood on the side of the road holding the door, while the mini bus drove away.

mambo!

2008-01-17T15:45:00.000+02:00

could there be anything more depressing than sitting on a bus for 9 hours on a journey that should have taken 6 hours? yes, there is. if you had a seat on the bus, and then got bumped out of your seat by two azungus.

my friend and I had to get to Dar-es-Salaam from Iringa, but all the buses were booked up, and we were freaking out. and then this one guy says to us "i'll give you black market price. 12,000 tanzanian schillings for each seat." and we stare at each other and go "why not." so we get our tickets, and our assigned seats. we get onto the bus and realise there is a girl sitting in my friend's seat....hmmm. well, the guy who sold us our tickets gets on the bus, and makes the girl get out of her seat so that we can have it! we were mortified. But, seeing as how Tanzanians are such nice people, a guy let the girl sit on his lap...funny thing, it was in a totally platonic way. Throughout the ride, for the next 6 hours, she kept getting bumped from one guy's lap to another. I'm guessing their legs started cramping up? Anyway, the 6 hour bus ride turned into 9 hours because our bus broke down, we ran out of gas, and our driver was driving the pace of a turtle. the only time we ever passed a bus was if it had broken down on the side of the road. And cause we were in the front row, we had first class view of him picking his nose literally every 2 minutes. For real. Less picking, more driving! Step on it!

Tipping the cow

2007-12-20T11:28:00.000+02:00

Yesterday on my way to Grace Orphan Care, my mini bus started to slip and slide in the mud, until we had slid halfway down a ditch! Oh my gosh! That was probably the most frightening thing ever cause we all seriously thought the mini bus was gonna tip over. And once it tipped over, how were we gonna get the bus back onto the road? Damn bus and it's no traction wheels. Anyway, it took one hour of digging and pushing before we were able to get the bus moving again. What was even more frightening was that the bus sliding wasn't the scariest part. No, it was the masses of men who were opening the mini bus windows and trying to shout instructions/directions at me as I drove the bus to safety. It was also the three guys who jumped onto the back of the bus in celebration when we got out of the mud. And it was the group of men who chased my coworker Ruth all the way up to the support group, demanding more than the 1000k we had paid them to push us out...Yikes!

Baaa

2007-10-14T11:12:00.000+02:00

Yesterday, I was at a dinner/dance hosted by the wildlife society of malawi. People usually say that the dance is the most exciting part of the evening, but I personally think it is the dinner - simply because of the auction prizes. Two night accommodation at a game park! An evening at a lodge at the lake! A live sheep!

I've never won anything at an auction before, although I've tried many times to win that evening at the lake prize. Last dinner/dance, I almost won some tree seedlings. But this year, I got real lucky. I won a live sheep! Now, I know y'all thinking "what am I gonna do with a live sheep? I can't keep it in my house - it'll eat all my grass!" No worries my friends. Once November rolls around, I'm going to go collect my sheep from the farmer, and have a brai party! Holla!

The Lottery Game

2007-10-13T07:53:00.000+02:00

I love Ramadan. Every year, on the last day of Ramadan, the president of Malawi declares it a national holiday, and we are all free from the pains of work for one extra day. Of course, no one really ever knows when the last day of Ramadan will be. We all look up into the sky and watch for when the moon comes out. This year, it was debated that it would be either Friday or Saturday. If the moon came out Friday morning, we would get Friday off. If Saturday, we'd get Monday off. My coworkers and I all hoped that the moon would make an appearance on Saturday. Since Fridays are always so relaxed, we'd rather have the Monday stress taken away from us. We stayed up till midnight Friday morning, waiting for the moon to come out. It didn't. So we all thought that the holiday would be on Monday. But we got a call at 5am on Friday morning - the moon came out. Friday holiday. Bummer.

Jambo

2007-10-10T09:52:00.000+02:00

rasta men

2007-09-26T10:59:00.000+02:00

When I first got to Malawi, my coworker would always say to me, "Africa is the home of the rastafarian, my friend." And I would just laugh at him whenever he would talk about wanting to grow dreadlocks and smoke the ganja. Another friend said that "90% of white women want to get with a rasta man." I have no idea where he got his figures from. And another friend said he wanted to grow dreads so that he would have a "50% chance of getting a white woman." When I asked, "Isn't it 90%?", he replied, "NO. It's 90% for real rastas. I am just an ordinary guy who wants dreads." HAHA

A few months ago, I was standing outside a supermarket, waiting for my friend to buy some wooden carvings. And I was talking to one of the sellers, when this man walks over from his table full of carvings. Now, this guy looked like a real rastafarian, complete with the dreads, the braided beard! the clothes, and he reeked of marijuana. So, he was asking my name, what I do. Then he asked me if I was married, and I said, "no, but I have a boyfriend." To which he replied, "Shame! I wanted to be your rasta boyfriend. And I would give you ganja."

Nasty! I do not need some weed smoking man feeding me marijuana. Anyway, I left in a hurry, and would occasionally see him on the streets, but would try not to look that way in case he tried to talk to me again. Until...

A couple weeks ago, I was walking home from town. I heard this man walking behind me, and I could hear what sounded like mutterings...so I thought he was just talking to himself. After I had walked about 500 metres down the street, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see the rasta man! He told me that he had called out for me when he saw me pass by (fyi: making the *tsk tsk* sound in Malawi may get the attention of some people, but not me), and he ran up to catch to me. He saw me walking alone and thought I had no friends and so wanted to keep me company. "I have many friends," I replied, quite indignant at that comment. And he replied, "yes, but, when you see something good, you want to get it. And you're that something good." What the heck! And then he asked to see my house and where I lived! Yeah right! Thank goodness he got the message that I wasn't about to show him anything (maybe it was the frostiness coming from my glare?), but if he had tried to follow me home, I would have had no reservations about sterilising him with a kick to the nuts.

Salam

2007-09-21T10:39:00.001+02:00

The Fro Pick

2007-09-19T08:20:00.000+02:00

I was without my brush for a couple of days, and all I had in my possession was this fro pick that I had bought as a souvenir. Initially, I would just comb it through my hair, but as the days passed, I would start brushing my hair outwards and up with the pick. And my hair actually started to get thicker and more fro-y. Could all the hype about the fro pick be true!

Underground sausages

2007-08-19T13:55:00.001+02:00

After the rainy season ends, grilled rats becomes one of the hottest snacks to buy on the side of the street.

Two of my friends were walking along the street one day, when a man with grilled rats on a stick came up to them and asked them what he was holding in his hand. One of them replied "that's a mouse." "Wrong!" the man shouted! Mice are found inside houses. These were found on the streets, so they are called underground sausages! hmmm....Then my friend asked the man, in all seriousness, "If a mouse is in a house and runs outside into the street and gets caught, is it a mouse or an underground sausage?"

good question...

Golden Chicken

2007-06-13T15:00:00.000+02:00

Today my coworker and I went to the market to buy some items for a project. Along the way, she also bought four chickens and threw them in the back of the van. As we were driving back to the office, I smelled something foul, looked down, and noticed that some of the chickens had just pooped on the floor. I was almost dying with hysterics. Then, one of the chickens shifted over to the other side of the van, and I saw an egg roll out from under her legs! She gave birth to an egg in the van! Only in Africa, I say!

Communion Sunday

2007-06-10T12:17:00.000+02:00

Today, I went to the University Campus Church. It was really great to see hundreds of students packed into a tiny room for what seemed to be a 3 hour Pentacostal worship service. When the chaplain went up to do communion, he put on a chef's apron. My coworker commented, "What is he going to do? Bake us the bread?" I almost died laughing. Gotta love the coworkers.

RIP

2007-05-14T16:10:00.000+02:00

I killed my first chicken on the road last Friday. The chicken never really had a chance. We were flying down the road at 130 km/hr, while the chicken was meandering across the road. The next thing I knew, I was looking behind the truck, and I could see feathers floating up in the air.

The Number 1 Car

2007-05-06T19:33:00.000+02:00

When I lived in LA, I used to laugh at those who had trucks because it was such a joke how much gas was wasted on them, and how impractical they were for LA living. Now that I live in Malawi, and have been driving trucks for a while now, I can't imagine life without them. They are so practical (for airport pickups!), they can hold lots of baggage, they are rough and rugged, no need to worry about scraping the bottom on the dirt road, they are so muscular and fierce. 'Course, it also helps when you drive this bad boy around the country...

Therefore, when/if I move back to N. America, I would love to drive this around town. Roar haha..Good memories.

TOMS

2007-04-29T08:55:00.002+02:00

For every pair purchased, TOMS donates a pair to a child in need. Check out their video that documents the first TOMS Shoe Drop in Argentina in October 2006. Their next batch of shoes is going to Malawi. Check them out!

Wo Ai Shanghai

2007-04-20T07:04:00.000+02:00

Chairman Mao

I went to Shanghai the past week to eat really good, spicy Chinese food; use as much kleenex as I could (kleenex is the most luxurious item ever in the developing world...cause you can't even find it!); get driven around the city like someone important; and do some mad shopping while getting ripped off like a dumb tourist. Enjoy the pictures.

Susan and I with our reward for lining up for one hour - 16 dumplings. Love Chinese food!

Chinese style buildings

Hanging out with some good friends

*thanks to my cousin for his awesome photos.

The Most Potent Smelling Fruit on Earth

2007-04-13T05:44:00.000+02:00

I went to the fruit market today and bought the most potent smelling fruit ever created - the durian. Man, I love that fruit, but the smell is just as dangerous as the it looks, what with all its spikes and everything. My driver nearly had a heart attack when I put it in the trunk. haha.

And I am Telling You

2007-04-12T17:21:00.000+02:00

I just saw Dreamgirls this past week, and the music blew me away. It has been such a long time since I have seen a new movie, so watching Dreamgirls was really exciting. And then hearing songs sung with so much passion and emotion. I can tell that there will be many lonely days in Malawi where I will turn on the soundtrack and just sing the songs to the wall...it sure beats just staring blankly at the wall.

Anyway, I went all over Shanghai looking for the soundtrack, and no one had the cd. And I was pretty bummed out, because I didn't want to have to be fast forwarding and rewinding the dvd just to catch the songs. And then my sister told me she had all the songs on disc. w00t!

And we're back in the game!

2007-03-25T09:31:00.000+02:00

Ready, 1, 2, 3!

2007-03-22T14:04:00.000+02:00

Today I went to take passport photos for when I go to HK to do my stuff. At the photo studio, the guy with the camera said "Ready", to which I replied "yes", expecting him to say "1,2,3" *Snap*. But, he took the photo right as I was saying "yes". This was the outcome...

And no joke, the guy put his camera down and literally pouted for 10 seconds. I couldn't believe it. I know, film costs more money, and I must have been wasting his time...cause if I wasn't there, he could have gone back to playing board games. So I said "I'll pay for two passport photos...just take another one." Everyone else in the store was laughing, but this dude was still pouting. Anyway, when someone says "Ready", you expect him to say "1,2,3" before snapping the photos. After this, I thought it was just the West that did that, but when I told the story to my coworker, he said that they also say "1,2,3" before they take the shot. So...I took one more picture and the outcome was much better...

Anyway, I know it can be a pain, but don't stand there throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the store, especially in front of a customer. geez. Act your age. In any case, I think it would have been cool if I could have used the first photo for my visa.

*ps. My hair is so stankin long, I think if I donated 10 inches right now, my hair would still be at my shoulders. Maybe I could donate it to someone who wants to get her "fake hair" weaved. Some salon owner actually tried to get me to buy fake hair! Why would I want to buy fake hair!

Nothing but Nets

2007-03-21T19:20:00.000+02:00

Why Rick Reilly is my favourite sports writer:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/rick_reilly/04/25/reilly0501/index.html

wwww.nothingbutnets.net

I'm a Victim of Fraud!

2007-03-19T15:08:00.000+02:00

I never thought it would happen here in Malawi, but it is possible to be a victim of fraud in Africa! the culprit - the mysterious phone tapper. Mobile phones are pretty prevalent here in Malawi. In fact, it is more likely that someone will have a mobile over a house line. So, since this is the case, and the rate is cheaper for mobile to mobile (about 8MK/minute) over land line to mobile (about 100MK/minute), I have only used my house line once. Three weeks ago, my coworker came to me with my house phone bill, which was at 6,000MK! Hot diggity! I don't even use my phone and my bill is that much! Now, I know that $42 USD might not seem like much, but it is a huge amount when your salary is only $260 USD. My finance guy said that most likely, my security guards were using my house phone because I give them my house key once a week to put my clothes inside the house when they're done drying. That explanation I can accept - I was reckless, and shouldn't give my guard the key. And because of some weird budgeting quirk, I have to pay for my phone bill, while my water bill (which is mysteriously just as large) is covered under my housing line. Then today, I opened my new phone line, and my new bill for the last month is 18,000MK! Now, I know that there is no way my security guards could have made all those calls, because I stopped giving them the key weeks ago! Holy smokes! The finance director came to the conclusion that someone has been tapping into my phone line and calling from my number. So now we're going to call the phone company, the number of the international call that was made on my line (to South Africa!) and we're going to play detectives and catch the sucker. Then we're gonna send him to the police to be squeezed!!! There is definitely no way I'm paying the 18,000MK phone bill, especially when it's half my salary!

*ps. For your information, to be "squeezed" by the police is a euphamism for "a sound beating".

* I don't condone violence in any way, so y'all know.

Martyr's Day

2007-03-02T10:39:00.000+02:00

Because I won't be in town on Monday, I want to give recognition to Martyr's Day that is coming up Monday March 5, 2007. I am not sure of the real reason why this holiday exists. Perhaps it is to remember all the Christian missionaries who were martyred here in Malawi for their faith. If that is the case, something to reflect on. On the other hand, others might view it as a day to celebrate the day when all the Christian missionaries were killed in Malawi. If that is the case...YIKES!

Either way, Monday is a national holiday, so there will be no work, and thus, I will be chilling at the lake.

I'm Authorised!

2007-02-26T20:27:00.000+02:00

I can finally drive here in Malawi! After 4 months of haggling and harrassing and whining to my coworker, he's finally authorised me to drive! Actually, it's because I did none of those things that he has allowed me to drive the only automatic car in our lot - the beautiful Toyota Corolla. I think he was feeling tremendous pity that I still had not learned to drive a manual car, so allowing me to drive the automatic was sort of a consolation prize. It was actually pretty big news at the office, because I was the only azungu who could not drive. haha. Now, all I've got to do is learn to drive a stick, otherwise I'll never be able to drive out into the fields, and I'll have to continue biking to church (the church is practically in a dirt field).

Well, at least I have transportation options now! Holla!

The Lunch Club

2007-02-07T15:02:00.000+02:00

Here are work, we have something called the Lunch Club. Every month, people will chip in 500 kwacha (equivalent to about $3.75) and we get lunch for the month. Of course, those of us in the Lunch Club have to prepare the food, and we're not eating Wolfgang Puck quality food here. I don't even think it can qualify as fast food quality. haha. It is pretty much nsima and some side dish, usually vegetables or these tiny little fish called usipa (which my coworkers never feed me anymore because I almost gagged the first time I ate it). Anyway, the women always make fun of the guys when they try to cook because quite frankly, they are not very good. Even the guys will say "We cook like bachelors. Just well enough so that we can eat it." Well, today, there were no girls around, so all the guys were in charge of preparation and cooking. And let me just say, it is true. Guys cook just well enough so that the food is edible, but it's pretty much the blandest, unsightly looking food you'll ever eat. hahaha!

On another note, Malawians have hands of steel. They will just take the lid (that has no knob or handle!) off a boiling pot of water without the use of towels. And to test the temperature of the water, they'll just stick a spoon in there and drip some water on their arm! They wanted to drip some water on my arm to give me the full Malawian experience. Heck no!!! I saw that water boiling like crazy in the pot! Ain't no way I was putting that on my arm!

True Love

2007-02-02T08:03:00.000+02:00

Apart from Christ, there is always one man who will capture the heart of a woman. Be it a celebrity, an athlete, or the neighbour next door, there is one man who can make a girl's heart go aflutter, pitter patter. What if we lived in a world where we could have any man we choose, and he could not refuse? What is it about society that dictates it has to be the man who chooses the girl, who chases after her...especially in the Christian context.

What if we lived in this sort of world!

click me!

If this is how it worked in Canada, then I would have offered a plate of fresh fish to my first crush at the age of 13, we would have been married by now, and I would have a litter of beautiful black babies. haha. Just kidding!

How interesting is this though? Especially the comment where this one guy says "Love comes first into the heart of the woman. Once it's in the woman, only then can it jump into the man."

The Maize Mill

2007-01-30T15:53:00.000+02:00

Today at lunch, I went to buy maize with my coworkers. We picked up a bag of maize kernels, and brought it to the maize mill to be ground into flour. There are two machinese that are used. I'm not quite sure what the first one does, but it looked like it was cleaning up the maize kernel and separating all the dust/dirt (actually, it looked like saw) from the kernel. After that, some woman would put some of the maize kernels into a woven basket, and swish the maize around to get out all the ground up dust that was still there. She let me try it too, but I ended up spilling out more maize kernels than dust. She was an expert. After that, the maize kernels were put into another machine which did a bunch of grinding and spit out this fine, white maize flour. It was pretty cool. Until the maize flour started spraying everywhere and flew into my eyes, blinding me temporarily. Good thing I was wearing my thick glasses though, because most of the maize flour just flew straight into my lenses. Only those tricky ones that would swirl around a bit got past my glasses and into my eye!

Overboard

2007-01-27T17:19:00.000+02:00

A couple of weeks ago, we experienced a severe, torrential like rainstorm that lasted 4 days. After the first two days, there were some water spots on the ceiling of the office, but nothing too intense that couldn't wait till Monday. On Monday afternoon, I was talking to one of my coworkers, when he looked into the hallway and said, "hey, what is going on over there?" I went to the hallway and saw a downpour of water coming from the ceiling, down the walls, flooding the back section of the office!

My roommate and I rushed over there, and the whoe section looked like an aquarium. Water was pouring down the walls, water went up to our calves, it was ridiculously crazy. So I hiked up my chitenje to my knees, and we got 10 buckets to catch the dripping water, and started scooping water from the floor and dumping it into the shower. Water was dripping through the wiring where the lights were hooked up, and after 5 minutes, one of the lightbulbs started sparking, and then went dead.

It was a little frightening, and the crazy thing is that no one else in the office was helping us two girls! Later that night, once the water had stopped pouring through, we spent 1 hour mopping up the floors, getting rid of all the water. It was a crazy night. And all we could think about was, "We did not even experience a severe flood." There were towns in the next district that had been victim to severe flooding that had wiped out tens of hectares of farmland, hundreds of homes, and left hundreds upon hundreds of people homeless.

The Spinster

2007-01-08T22:40:00.000+02:00

So today I made my first full on Malawian meal...but with rice instead of nsima. I made an eggs/tomatoes dish and an tomato/vegetable dish. And I was eating it in the front foyer where you walk in to the office, and my coworker said "You are eating a bachelor's meal." And I was like "huh?" And he said "That is what bachelors eat. It's simple and cheap, and meatless." To which I replied "I'm not a bachelor." But before I could say "I'm a bachelorette," he responded with "That's right. That's a spinster's meal!" Oooh. I was about to pop one on the side of his face.

The Nightcrawler

2007-01-04T15:48:00.000+02:00

Every night, as I'm working away in my office, I'll hear this soft moaning sound coming from the hallway. It might not seem like much, but at 10pm in a house/office that is humongous, it can be quite frightening. I went out into the corridor once to see what was making the noise, and I saw some wild cat standing in there, making that odd sound. The cat must crawl into the office from one of the windows that is left open. Let me tell you, it is a scary thing. I was sleeping once when I heard the moaning noise, but I was so scared, I just slid further under the covers and covered my ears until the moaning noise stopped. Who knows what kind of disease/wild fighting skills this cat might have, so that prevents me from getting too close to it. And what kind of cat makes moaning noises? Granted, there are some strange animals here. People interbreed dogs, and they turn out crazy and hyper. I even saw a dog with something like 10 teeters. No joke.

Pretty Woman

2006-12-27T15:21:00.000+02:00

One of the things that annoys me is how people kept telling me during training school that I would be living in the village. As such, they told me not to bring any nice clothes or shoes, because most likely I would be wearing tshirts and chitenjes and flip flops (or my three strapped Birks) every day. Well, I've been in Malawi almost three months now, and I've gone to countless formal functions, including two weddings. The embarrassing thing is that people will be wearing suits and nice dresses to the weddings, and I'll walk in looking pretty much like garbage, in my tshirt, large skirt and flip flops. The funny thing is that yesterday, I went to a friend's wedding, looking like rubbish, as expected. But, the wedding reception was in this large building with no fan or ventilation system, so everyone was sweating like hogs. So it didn't even matter how nicely people were dressed because with sweat pouring down their faces, they pretty much looked unsightly, especially in pictures. Except for the bride. She radiated. But I looked like I was radioactive, with all that sweat running down my face. I was definitely not a pretty woman. Aiy Carumba!

Episode 14

2006-12-11T06:57:00.000+02:00

why aren't you married!

If there is a question that can inflict immeasurable pain upon its recipient, it has to be the dreaded question, "why aren't you married yet?" This question holds more power than imaginable, especially at weddings, where many single people tend to hide from overbearing married adults who wish to pry into their lives. Well, I just realised that here in Malawi, you don't have to hide from married adults, because just about anyone will ask you why you aren't married, from the oldest to the youngest. At my friend's wedding, I had numerous guys asking me why I wasn't married at the ripe old age of 22. Then they asked me if I could get married, and that I should get started as soon as possible. Indignant as I was, I replied that I could marry whomever, whenever I pleased. I think we all know that isn't true, but it was the only way I could save my wounded pride. Gosh. Can't a girl just dance and throw money around in peace!?

Episode 13

2006-12-10T09:45:00.000+02:00

supa dupa fly!

Over the weekend, I went to a coworker/friend's wedding, and it was seriously the most fun I've ever had. Malawians sure know how to groove, from the smallest kids to the oldest grandparents. Not only is the dancing hilariously fun, there is a Malawian custom where if you want to dance, you gotta throw money into the air. It sort of reminds me of the Filipino custom of pinning money onto the bride/groom. Here, the MC calls out different groups of people, they make their way to the dance floor, start dancing, and throw cash up into the air as they dance. It is the funniest sight to see, and I'm guessing most guests go home flat broke. To taste the cake, you gotta give some cash. To make a speech, yup, you gotta give some cash. It's such a great custom, and it's so much fun, dancing like crazies and throwing money into the air, like you're a richie (even though you're probably throwing the equivalent of $.05 bills). It's the best thing ever. I'm gonna have this custom at my wedding. After all, I'm an honourary Malawian :)

Episode 12

2006-12-08T07:17:00.000+02:00

When I went in for my interview for this job last April, one of the questions I was asked was "will you be able to handle the spiders and snakes and rats that are around?" To which I nonchalently replied "yeah, they don't bother me that much." To be truthful, there is nothing that freaks me out more than a snake. The sight of them slithering on the floor makes me shudder. To touch one would be horrific. To that extent, I also cannot stand the sight of worms. I used to tip toe down my driveway on rainy days to make sure my shoes did not touch the worms. My shoes!
Anyhoo, a couple nights ago, I saw the biggest worm ever known to man (or at least, me!) slithering around on my bedroom floor. For tiny worms, I would normally just sweep them outside. But the sight of this worm slithering around made me want to hurl. So I grabbed both my RAID can and my Insect repellent can and totally obliterated the worm with a mixture of chemicals. After a couple minutes of writhing in what seemed like pain, the worm stopped moving, curled into a ball, at which point I calmly swept it outside.
The other thing that makes me frigid is anything slimy. Last night, as I was closing my front door, I saw two big googly eyes staring at me from the top of my door. I honestly thought it was a red fish, and was quite surprised (cause how could it even get up there?) When I opened the door (cause I thought I was going to crush the fish), the FROG! jumped out at me. I must have shrieked pretty loudly, because my guard ran into my house with his machete, yelling "madam! madam!" haha. He must think I'm the biggest wimp ever because the only time I ask him for help is for catching massive spiders :)

Episode 11

2006-12-04T07:26:00.000+02:00

Litterers will be prosecuted

The funniest sign I ever saw in Malawi was an advertisement from the government saying "please keep our streets clean". This is hilarious, especially for a country where there is no waste disposal system so everyone just burns their garbage. (I've been embarrassed many times by the things I've had to burn...even resorting to burning my garbage at 5:30am so no one will see my trash). Another thing that cracks me up is that people will just throw their waste on the streets. When mangos first came into season, I would constantly see mango seeds and skin littered all over the roads. I thought it was unfortunate, until I bought my first mango off the street and kept chucking the skin, and then eventually the pit, out the car window. Aiy!

Episode 10

2006-12-01T19:39:00.000+02:00

Shane & Shane

It is so rare that I hear English music playing in stores, and I almost never hear Christian music outside of church. But today while I was at the bank, I heard Shane & Shane's "The Answer" blasting on the speakers. I was in total shock for the first 5 seconds, and then I started singing along. People were staring at me, but I wasn't sure if they were staring because I'm a mzungu or because my singing was busting their ear drums. Either way, it was the most enjoyable wait in line I've ever had at the bank.

Episode 9

2006-11-27T12:38:00.000+02:00

Lake Malawi

One thing that is forever cracking me up is how people wil run up to you and greet you. Normally I get a lot of "hi-yaaaa!" from kids running around in the streets. When I was up at the lake, a boy yelled at "konichiwa!" so I yelled back "konichiwa!" And then, he yelled out "godzilla!" I think he ran out of Japanese words to say. Either way, it had me barreled over laughing, and I nearly fell into the water.

On another note, people always think I am younger than 22. When I went to a club at the beach, my friend would have grown men yelling out "hey mama, I want to marry you! Let me buy you a beer!" Whereas I would get 12-14 year old boys yelling "my brother owns this bar. Let me buy you a coke!" It was pretty funny, but at the same time, not.

Mulanje Massif

2006-11-20T09:04:00.000+02:00

Chapter 2

Because of the heavy rains the Friday I climbed up Mulanje, all my clothes, sleeping bag, shoes were soaked. So we spent pretty much the rest of the evening drying our clothes. We tried to put them as close to the fire as possible. Not a very good idea. While I was making oatmeal, my friend had put our shoes close to the flames to dry them for the next day, and I guess a spark flew out and caught my shoe, because when I turned around, my shoes were on fire! A real, honest to God, big fire. I grabbed them and started banging them on the cement floor. That was a little scary. What was more scary was the state my shoes were in. Still wearable, but the rubber had burned off and when I put them on, they stuck to my socks. Good thing I brought duct tape, so once I had taped those bad boys up, they were all good to go.

Another thing that burned was the tea kettle handle. It was made of plastic, and we were watching the water boil, when all of a sudden we see the handle turn white, and it just disintegrates right before our eyes. It was not a good day.

Mulanje Massif

2006-11-20T08:49:00.000+02:00

Chapter 1

If there is one thing more exciting than climbing Mulanje, it might actually be the journey to the base of the mountain. The mini buses from Zomba to Mulanje town were not bad, but the dried fish in the back of the vans stank up the car. And the 28 people crammed into a bus that could probably hold 15 was a little frightening. But nothing could compare to the truck ride up to Likhubula Lodge at the base. Not only were we standing in the truck bed, pressed against the back window, there were about 15 people in the bed, along with suitcases, a bicycle, and 400kg of fertiliser! I read an article in the NYT once about personal space, and they mentioned that anything around 15 cm from you is considered personal space. If that's the case, I was being very intimate with at least 8 different people, in some very intimate places. One thing that used to irritate me when I lived in Shanghai was how the American women would complain about the conditions of the private buses they would take on tours because the conditions wouldn't be up to the same standards as the Greyhound. Well, if I ever see their annoying faces again, I'd tell them to come to Africa and jump on a truck bed where they can get man handled by 8 different people, and the truck!

Episode 8: Mulanje Massif

2006-11-20T08:40:00.000+02:00

Introduction

I'll admit that I'm not much of a climber/hiker. I don't usually enjoy the climb up mountains, and I'm normally the weakest link in my party. But the thing that keeps bringing me back is the view. I will do anything for a spectacular view. One of the top things to do while in Malawi is climb Mulanje Massif. It's not very tall at just over 3,000 metres, but the pictures and people's reports on climbing it convinced me it was something I had to do. So I was all pumped up to climb, and then the rains come! I think I actually prayed that God would delay the rains for one more week, because once the rains come, the mountain is virtually impossible to climb (I actually felt bad because Malawians rely on the rains for their farms). But the rains kept coming. And people kept telling me scary stories about Mulanje. About how this Danish girl ran off from her group and was never found again. About a group of hikers who got lost and were never found.

So I got to Mulanje base Friday afternoon, and there was no rain. And I was so happy, thinking "Yes God! Today will be good!" And then as if to spite us, the rains started coming, slowly at first. And I thought to myself "This is actually better, because I'm not as hot climbing up." And then the rain gods seemed to smite us with a hail of rain, thunder and lightening. It was a little frightening, and sort of reminded me of LOTR, when they are seemingly climbing forever to get to Mordor.

Episode 7

2006-11-16T16:21:00.000+02:00

The Potato Path

One thing I've realised is that African woman are strong. They will walk miles on end to get places, and they will do it with the most enormous piles of anything on their head. During a trip into the village, a coworker and I had to walk what seemed to be miles to get to this lady's house to interview her because she was benefitting from the WFP aid. After 15 minutes of walking in the heat, I just about died. That was before I was told that the woman lived on the other side of the mountain! That nearly did me in. As we were walking up the mountain, I felt like we were in LOTR, on that endless journey to Mordor. Anyway, it's pretty humbling when you are about to die climbing a mountain while carrying nothing, and these women do it every day with gallons of water on their head!

There is a path in Zomba called the potato path, and it leads up to the Zomba plateau. My friend and I decided to climb the potato path, but our third friend dropped us off at some random site that he claimed was the start of the potato path. So not true, because soon, we were faced with hills that were about 30-40 degrees steep and near impossible to climb up without sliding down. The way we ended getting up was we scaled the tree trunks that had been cut down. We honestly looked like monkeys scampering up fallen tree trunks. When we got back to Zomba, we looked up the map and discovered we had not climbed the potato path, but had climbed some non existent path. We decided to name this new mzungu path "chadleen."

Episode 6

2006-11-12T09:24:00.000+02:00

Darkness

The Malawian sun has not been kind to me lately. I've been getting burned real quickly, and the ensuing tan lines have been all over the place. My upper body is pretty unsightly, but I think my legs could rival it. I've been bitten more than 30 times on my legs, and I would die from embarrassment, if not for the fact that I wear chitenjes everyday, so I pretty much spare everyone the sight of my legs. The upper body isn't as easy to hide, especially when it is 120 degrees outside. My friends have taken to calling me Darkness. At first I thought it was funny...haha...like the Charlie Murphy True Hollywood Story skit on the Chappelle Show! But yesterday, I went into the market, and this one vendor said to me in all seriousness, "I am thinking that you are Pakastani?" Oy Vey!

Episode 5

2006-11-05T06:08:00.000+02:00

I'll give you 30 cows!

If you want to marry a girl out here in Malawi, you'll have to woo her with more than a diamond ring. In fact, you'll have to woo her whole family with cows! The more precious the girl is, the more cows she'll be offered. I heard a story about a father who was talking to some of his daughter's girlfriends in Canada. He turned to one girl and said, "you're worth about 30 cows!" Then he turned to her other friend and said, "you're about 15!" I know I would have been a bit peeved and mortified if I had been the girl worth 15 cows. Anyway, my friends were saying that if there are only daughters in a family, the father will normally ask for more cows to help take care of the family when the daughter goes away. Also, if she's educated and/or pretty, she'll get a higher offer of cows. My friends said that because I come from a family of three daughters, my dad would ask for a minimum of 15 cows. And because I have a college degree, I'd get another 10 cows (for those of you who doubt the worth of your college degree, it really is worth something - 10 cows!) And then he said because I'm a mazungu (foreigner) and pretty (gosh! flattery will get you everywhere!), I get another 10 cows each! Holy smokes, that's a whole 45 cows! My dad would be set for at least a couple decades with that kind of deal!

Episode 4

2006-11-03T15:31:00.000+02:00

Free Falling

One thing that doesn't surprise me anymore is how trucks are often packed with people. And I don't mean the inside of trucks. I mean the truck beds. Packed with 8, 9, 10, even more. I was driving from Mangochi to Liwonde last weekend and I had to sit in the truck bed. At first, I thought it was some mistake, because I was told that expats always get shotgun. But apparently not, because when they came to pick me up, the truck was packed, and they just shoved me in the bed. So I pretty much spent the better part of the 2 hour ride petrified that the door latch would come undone and we would all go flying out. And when we almost hit a herd of cows crossing the road, I almost had a heart attack. There's a very good reason why this is illegal in most of the West.

Anyway, to end the story, riding in the back of a pickup truck is not exciting or glamourous. I was driving down a winding road when I saw a truck in a ditch on the side of the road and injured passengers lying on the ground. It's definitely not exciting, nor is it glamourous, especially when you end up part of a horrific accident that would leave you with only a scratch if you had been sitting inside the truck with a seatbealt.

Episode 3

2006-10-30T08:41:00.000+02:00

Make a Joyful Noise to the Lord

I went to my first church service in Malawi yesterday, at the Evangelical Baptist Church of Malawi in Zomba. It was pretty long, and I couldn't understand the Chichewa sermon, but I really enjoyed the praise. And man, these people have the loudest (and prettiest) voices ever. During offering, everyone was up and dancing, there were drums being pounded, everyone was so happy to be throwing in their kwachas into the offering baskets. It was just a really joyous scenario. And I couldn't help but contrast it to the way I used to do it in North America. Back there, we always play a really slow, almost sad sounding song when we give offering. I looked around once, and I saw people crying, looking really somber, sad. Looking back, I wonder why we play such slow songs during offering, songs that make us want to get down on our knees and repent. When we give our offering, shouldn't it be a joyous occasion, giving back to God all that he has blessed us with? It was such a marked contrast in style that all I could do was stand there in the "pew" with a goofy smile on my face.

Episode 2

2006-10-19T17:12:00.000+02:00

Ndiwe Okongola Kwambiri

Beauty is fleeting in the West. On my way around the village, I saw a little boy sitting on his mother's lap as she tried to cut his hair, and it was so touching the way they interacted with one another. She was already a very pretty woman, but the way she was with her son made her appear so much more beautiful to me. I saw beauty in the way a woman smiled as she sang a song of welcome with 20 other ladies. It's what we would call a Kodak moment. When I told these two ladies that they were beautiful, they laughed and got all embarrassed. They were beautiful on the outside, for sure, but it was the way their character revealed itself that made them so beautiful to me. When I think of beauty in the West and how we have come to perceive it (America's Next Top Model is a perfect example of just how ridiculous it is becoming), it is just so laughable. If is so meaningless to God, why do we make it so important in our lives? We continuously strive for this fakeness, when the ones who are the most beautiful are the ones who emanate it from their hearts. That's real beauty.

*the phrase above means You are very beautiful

Episode 1

2006-10-16T08:00:00.000+02:00

*from henceforth, all my stories shall be catologued as episodes.

You haven't eaten yet

nsima is the bread of life here in Malawi. They say that if you haven't had nsima for a meal, then you haven't eaten yet. It has a playdough like texture, and is made from maize flour and water. When you eat it, you rip off a piece from the big nsima mound with your right hand, roll it around in your palm, dip it in some sauce, and pop it in your mouth. A few days ago, I went to dinner at Abusa Yakobe's house (chair of the board of trustees at the Evangelical Baptist Church of Malawi), and of course they had nsima. So I ripped off a pieced, dipped it in some sauce, and ate it. And it was good. The only problem was that my right pinky kept sticking out, like I was the queen of England drinking tea. It was quite prissy, and I couldn't bring my pinky in...

Anyhoo, the dinner was good and I was floored by their generosity. And the cuteness of their children. Their youngest child, Rhoda, was 5, and she was so cute, I just about ate her after dinner. But I refrained from doing so, so as to not perpetuate the myth that all Asians come to Africa to capture little children and boil them and eat them for dinner. haha

greetings from malawi

2006-10-07T15:44:00.000+02:00

So I finally made it to Malawi, alive and healthy! It was a crazy 2 day journey, and I'm glad to be finally on land and eating some good food. My first taste of Malawian food - a hamburger and fries! So it's not exactly what I expected, but hey, you gotta let me ease into this. By the end of my term, you can bet I'll be walking along the edge of the roads barefoot, in a long skirt and tshirt, carrying a bucket of water on my head :)

A new adventure

2006-10-05T22:03:00.000+02:00

well, I'm off to the airport in a few hours, so this will be my last chance at corresponding with y'all from the same continent. I want to thank everyone who has called/written to wish me luck. Hopefully I won't miss any of my flights (though I can't be sure). What I can be sure of is that during my 7 hour layover in London, I will be making a stop in Leicester Square at 2:30pm for afternoon tea.

it's a new dawn
it's a new day
it's a new life
for me

2006-09-27T14:19:00.000+02:00

Oct. 5, 2006

Toronto, CANADA --> London, ENGLAND --> Johannesburg, SOUTH AFRICA --> Blantyre, MALAWI --> Zomba, MALAWI

holla!

go go go

2006-09-22T00:37:00.000+02:00

A friend of mine once told me her grandfather used to tell her two things when she was younger:

1) You gotta marry someone who looks like Jesus
2) When you follow Christ, you always gotta go go go.

I'm not too sure I'll be able to follow the first point, but the second one does seem more manageable. My work visa just came in, so I'll be on my way soon.

Does God Want You to be Rich?

2006-09-12T15:46:00.000+02:00

Prosperity Lite: emphasis is on God's promised generosity in this life and the ability of believers to claim it for themselves. In a nutshell, it suggests that a God who loves you does not want you to be broke. Its signature verse could be John 10: 10: "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

an excerpt about the Osteen family and their views on Prosperity, from TIME magazine:

"But there are many more illustrations of how the Prosperity doctrine has produced personal gain, most memorably, perhaps, for the Osteen family: how Victoria's "speaking words of faith and victory" eventually brought the couple their dream house; how Joel discerned God's favor in being bumped from economy to business class."

God's goodness is biblical, as is the idea that he wants us to enjoy the material world. But doesn't this seem to be treating God as a "celestial ATM." God then becomes a means to an end, and not the end in himself. Prosperity Lite wants to exhort the positive, but barely gives a glance at the negative. But the problem is that we live on this side of Eden, because we're fallen.

What's going on with all of this? All I know is that if one of my friends become rich and I see him wearing crocodile shoes, I'm gonna sock him in the face, then the nuts.

Two Face

2006-09-01T19:35:00.000+02:00

I got four wisdom teeth pulled out last week. The right side of my face handled the surgery very well, the left side, not so much. If I look at just my left profile, my jaw and cheek are protruding out so much that I almost look like Syndrome from the Incredibles. If I look at my right profile, I look like my normal self. I feel like Two Face, from the Batman series. You can call me Two Face.

The cool thing is that when I went to the doctor for a checkup, he gave me this feeding syringe to clean out the food in my mouth that may have gotten stuck in the areas where my teeth got pulled out. It's pretty fun to use, and I must admit, I use it even after I haven't eaten anything. It makes me feel like a real health professional...almost.

It Shames and Diminishes Us All

2006-07-20T14:14:00.000+02:00

One reason why idealism alone will never really change the world:

"The $40 billion written off [from the G8 summit] in July 2005 still leaves Africa with over $200 billion shackling its future. There are unseemly comparisons to be made. If it's Iraq, and the United States decides the debt should be cancelled, then with a snap of the Pentagon's fingers, as a peremptory order to the members of the Paris Club, 80 percent, or $31 billion, is written off overnight. Africa never receives such treatment. It's great to cheer now, but what about the terrible harm that was inflicted, for more than a quarter century, by virtually enslaving whole countries to the bondage of debt [the brilliance that was the Structural Adjustment Program, Reagonomics gone berserk].

As was written for the annual UNICEF "State of the World's Children" report of 1989, by Peter Adamson:

Three years ago former Tanzanian President Julius Nyerere asked the question "Must we starve our children to pay our debts?" That question has now been answered in practice. And the answer has been "Yes." In those three years, hundreds of thousands of the developing world's children have given their lives to pay their countries' debts, and many millions more are still paying the interest with their malnourished minds and bodies...

Today, the heaviest burden of a decade of frenzied borrowing is falling not on the military or on those with foreign bank accounts or on those who conceived the years of waste, but on the poor who are having to do without necessities...on the women who do not have enough food to maintain their health, on the infants whose minds and bodies are not growing properly...and on the children who are being denied their only opportunity ever to go to school.

In short, it is hardly too brutal an oversimplification to say that the rich got the loans and the poor got the debts.

And when the impact becomes visible in rising death rates among children...then it is essential to strip away the niceties of economic parlance and say that what has happened is simply an outrage against a large section of humanity. The developing world's debt, both in the manner in which it was incurred and in the manner in which it is being "adjusted to," is an economic stain on the second half of the twentieth century. Allowing world economic problems to be taken out on the growing minds and bodies of young children is the antithesis of all civilized behavior. Nothing can justify it. And it shames and diminishes us all.

The quote from UNICEF was talking of the 1980s. It got worse in the 1990s. Nothing we have done so far to this point begins to compensate for the harm, the sheer wickedness of yesteryear."

excerpt taken from Stephen Lewis' "CBC Massey Lectures Series: Race Against Time".

*for those of you still cheering hosannas about the Live8 concert and subsequent G8 summit of last year, please read this book. You'll come to truly understand (the most you can without actually knowing much about politics) about all the people whose lives have been torn from their moorings, and whose future is in the hands, at least in part, of those who have always pretended to care, and have never really cared.

*this book, however, suffers from having too much of a bleeding heart, and not enough of reality. Also refer to Jared Diamond's "Collapse!" The chapters on Rwanda and the latter chapters in that book are a perfect and necessary foil for this book, which is sorely lacking in ceratin areas of reality.

Graduation!

2006-07-08T05:10:00.000+02:00

When do you know you're living in the real world, and not in the bubble of college life? When you've graduated! Of course, participating in the graduation ceremony does not mean that you have officially graduated, and this was a concern of mine, as I had failed a midterm and was on the verge of failing a class and thus, not graduating. Therefore, graduation was full of excitement (at the impending flowers I would be getting! hehe. Just kidding), and growing ulcers (at the thought of not passing a class). Thankfully, I passed my class with flying colours! And so, I am able to look at these photos with great joy and not with bittersweet memories :)

The Tse family (minus my baby sister) holding not even half the stuff I got at graduation. Thank you friends :)

My Garden family. Excuse the way I'm sitting and revealing my legs. I'm not used to wearing skirts, although I will have plenty of practice while in Malawi.

Getting my diploma, on the big screen.

The cutest baby I have ever seen! I look like a black fog standing next to Chloe.

Quite possibly my favourite underclassmen. Someone told me that she had bought me a gimongous balloon that said GRAD, but as she got ready to get on the big blue bus, the balloon came loose from the string and floated into the sky. Oh well.

Send me gifts!

2006-07-07T23:28:00.000+02:00

Yesterday, I was talking with a missionary who had just come back from Burkina Faso, and we were talking about what sort of things I should bring out to Malawi when I go. And I asked her what toys I should bring over for the kids, and she said that the kids absolutely love balloons! She brought all these balloons with her and blew them up and released them for all the kids, and this one girl actually started crying hysterically because she had never seen them before and was just so happy to play with them. Another big hit for the kids is stickers. My friend put a sticker on the face of one child, went back to the city to work for a week, came back to the village and saw the exact same child with the exact same sticker on his face, in the same spot! Apparently glow sticks are really popular too, except when they start breaking the sticks and start smearing the liquid gel on their face. There is a fear that it might be a little toxic.

So, if any of you people who read this can think of anything that would impress kids and make me the most popular missionary they have ever seen, and actually send it over to Malawi, I will do something uniquely special for you, like etch your name on a tree in the village of Malawi or something like that. Or you'll be my person of the week. Something cool like that.

So, ignore my previous pleas for toilet paper and all things sanitary. I would rather have toys and little trinkets that would make me popular with the kids. Then I'll be rock star Kit Kat all over again :)

When I say "Holy", you say "Fire"!

2006-06-27T00:41:00.000+02:00

All Nations Full Gospel Church

Today, my fellow trainees and I decided to visit an African church. This one happens to be a church birthed from the vision of a Ghanian pastor. There are over 50 nations represented at this church. My friends and I were one of the few non blacks at the church. In fact, I was the only Asian. We stuck out like a sore thumb. During praise, everyone was getting their groove on, and a friend and I tried to dance along to the music. But let me tell you, despite all the mad dance skills I've got, I still looked like a robot next to them. And forget about dancing, clapping, and singing all at the same time, because that's never going to happen for me. Nonetheless, despite the stares and laughter we got, it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

Up Up Jesus, Down Down Satan

During one of the praise songs (it was more like a medley of songs), the choir started singing up up Jesus. Of course I'm down with this, so I started singing along. But then, they started singing in a language that didn't sound like English, but I was still hearing up up Jesus, down down. In my confusion, I started singing up up Jesus, down down Jesus. Only later did I learn they were singing up up Jesus, down down Satan!

When I say Holy, you say Fire!
Holy! Fire! Holy! Fire!
When I say Youth, you say On Fire!
Youth! On Fire! Youth! On Fire!

All I can say is, praise in Africa is going to be off the roof. And when I come back, I'm going to have some mad dancing skills to go with my singing, so y'all at the Garden better watch out!

reverse culture shock

2006-06-17T08:37:00.000+02:00

I just got to my missions training site yesterday morning, and there are about 10 white people in the office. And no Asians. And the other interns going to Africa are all white as well. I've never been surrounded by so many whiteys and no Asians. I think I am experiencing reverse culture shock.

Malawi is going to rock my socks off.

Transforming lives for now and for eternity.